I used to read a lot, but I haven’t a ton in the past few years. As of today, I’m going to change that (not 100% sure how long this will last). After reading “Traction” by Gino Wickman, I solicited my LinkedIn network and asked for some more books to read. I received recommendations from two whole people (thanks Beau and Blythe).
The first one I’ve tackled is Influence is Your SuperPower: How to Get What You Want Without Compromising Who You Are by Zoe Change.
I liked it.
The Gator and the Judge
While setting up the premise for the book, the author talked first about how our brains work. This provided some background about the personas that we need to consider when there’s a point or perspective we want to share with someone.
In the past (and the author does so as well), I’d see this referenced as System 1 and System 2 thinking. System 1 thinking is the process when your brain kicks into automatic mode and System 2 is when you can thoughtfully evaluate the situation and plan a course of action. She named those ‘the Gator” and “the Judge”, respectively. This mnemonic device made it a lot easier for me to remember which one was which and made her later chapters a lot clearer.
What I found interesting was the interaction between the Gator and the Judge. She states “the Gator is the first responder. Always” and that the “Judge is the second-guesser, but only sometimes … when you have the mental bandwidth”.
Obviously, this was referenced throughout the rest of the book, but this framing helped me easily apply her principles in the book to my own personal experiences.
Asking the question
The author goes on to talk about some of her experiences when she was younger and how they’ve helped her develop some of these skills. Something that rang particularly true to me was her experience as a door-to-door seller. She said it seemed like the worse job she could think of, and that the possibility of the constant rejection was the main reason. She then talks about how she did it anyway, realized the rejection in low-stakes areas is no big deal, and how it’s helped her later on in her career.
She also talked about how people love to help. They like to feel useful, they like to be asked questions that they have answers to, and they like to talk about themselves.
I share her initial thoughts about door-to-door sales, but I’ve also thought the same thing. I think there’s lots of times in life that we don’t do something or don’t ask someone because of a fear of no. It certainly applies to me. The most poignant part, though, was a piece I highlighted.
If you’re holding back from asking you want to be liked, consider that you’re not giving other people the change to feel good about saying yes to you.
Us asking people for things gives them an opportunity to help, too.
Framing – setting yourself up for success
Ms. Change discusses framing, the concept of helping people determine what’s important about the experience you’re about to provide to them. She uses an example of putting on a seminar and starting it with “My promise to you is for this session is that you’ll leave with at least one new strategy you want to put int action immediately…”
I love that. It aligns your expectations with the person you’re communicating with and sharing an expectation of what success looks like. She goes on to say that, once that frame is sort of tacitly agreed upon at the beginning, even the attendees use it as a way to measure the seminars success.
This principal is interesting to me. I lot of my work I do doesn’t have a very clear “success criteria” and takes a lot of time from people I’m working with. Requirements gathering sessions, report writing, documentation, etc. Each of these things takes a lot of time, effort, and buy-in from other parties, but kind of results in a <pfft> – they’re usually just steps to get to another part of a project. Using a well-executed frame could make people feel like our time together was a success and beneficial and not a complete waste of time.
Wrap-up
I’m clearly not a book critic or book reviewer, but I know what I like. I enjoyed this book and felt like it could have impact in my professional and private life. If you’re looking for something to read and are interested in improving your communication skills, then I think Influence is your SuperPower by Zoe Change might be for you.
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